Home  Relationship Articles Communication How to Put Him Back to Work on Your Relationship
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How to Put Him Back to Work on Your Relationship
by Scott Kudia, Ph.D.—www.ScottKudia.com
Has your guy stopped putting effort into your
relationship? Here's a surefire way to get him back in
the game.
Do you ever look at the guy you're in a relationship with
and wonder what became of the guy you were dating?
What happened to all the flowers, romantic dinners and
six-hour-long conversations about your childhoods?
The truth is for a guy, settling into a committed
relationship means the hard work is over and it's time to
kick back, put his feet up, grab the remote and start
flipping.
On the contrary, when a woman gets into a
relationship she rolls up her sleeves and gets to
work. She sets about figuring out ways to improve
communication, spend more quality time together
and keep the spark from fizzling. She clocks
countless hours comparing notes with her girlfriends,
taking quizzes in magazines titled: "What's your
Relationship IQ?" and pouring over relationship self-
help books.
I decided to do a little experiment to gather further
evidence of this phenomenon. To that end, I picked
up a widely read women's magazine along with a
popular men's magazine. I flipped to the section in
the women's magazine devoted to "Love and
Relationships." Articles in this section included
"Marriage Makeover: Work is Taking over our
Marriage," and "Playful Positions to Spice up Your
Love Life."
The men's magazine didn't appear to have a section
that focused on relationships; however, it did have a
section called "Sexy Time." However, the "Sexy Time"
section was not filled with advice on how readers
could improve their relationships. If anything, the
articles could be potentially damaging to a
relationship. One was titled "This Lovely Latvian will
make you want to Dump your Girl" and another
promised a peek at "Ten of Television's Naughtiest
Nymphos."
So, why the disconnect? Why are women so eager to
work on their relationships, while men seem to be
content to rest on their laurels?
The answer lies in the differences between the way
the two sexes are wired. Men are goal-oriented,
while women are process-oriented. In other words,
for men, the goal is to get the girl. Once the girl is
got, it's time to move on to the next goal. Why dwell
on a situation where the goal has already been
accomplished? Women, on the other, view the
relationship as a project that needs constant and
ongoing attention.
The truth is relationships are works in progress and
do need constant attention to survive. However,
when most men see their partners "working" on the
relationship, they automatically assume they are
unhappy or have a problem with the relationship.
This instantly puts them on the defensive. So, how do
you get your guy to refocus on the relationship
without making him feel like he is under attack?
The best way to accomplish this is to get him to think
competitively. This doesn't mean that you should
threaten to leave him for someone who will put forth the
effort you are looking for. The danger of this approach is
that if you're not prepared to back up your ultimatum,
you'll lose credibility.
The trick is to tap into his competitive fire without
making him feel threatened. A great way to do this is
to put him in competition with the guy he was when
you were dating; the one that wined and dined you
and showered you with compliments. In order to
avoid putting him on the defensive, sit down with him
and ask him what he liked best about you when the
two of you first began dating. Then tell him what you
liked best about him. By giving him this information,
you've given him a new goal: rekindle the flame he
helped set at the beginning of your relationship.
And don't let the info he gives you fall by the wayside. If
he confides that he liked how hot you used to look when
the two of you went out on a date or how you would
dress up in sexy lingerie for him, take that as your cue to
throw out the "comfortable" clothes you've been wearing
out with him lately along with the boxers and T-shirts you've been wearing to bed.
About the author:
As a bestselling author (If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy) and through his popular seminars, Relationship Specialist, Scott Kudia, Ph.D., has empowered thousands to overcome their obstacles and experience a better love life. Scott's innovative work combines traditional psychology with the latest cutting edge technologies giving you the power to create more fulfilling relationships. His seminars are some of the most unique and powerful relationships in the world. Scott's passionate and inspirational speaking style always leaves his audience enlightened, empowered, and thoroughly entertained. Above all, they leave with the ability to connect more deeply with their partner and ultimately get more from their relationships.
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