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Millenium Man
by Scott Kudia, Ph.D.—www.ScottKudia.com
In a recent study, 36% of preschoolers said they played
with friends of the opposite sex. When they got to
kindergarten, 23% said they played with opposite sex
classmates. By the time they got to the second grade
they were almost exclusively playing with same sex
friends.
Even as we continue into young adulthood our best
friends tend to be of the same sex. This means that boys
and girls grow up in separate worlds where the
emotional landscapes are vastly different.
Early on we have different styles of communicating. For
instance, boys join a team in order to compete. Girls join
a team in order to create relationships with teammates
and be part of a "team."
If a boy cries his teammates will mock and ridicule him,
calling him a wimp or crybaby. So he learns very early
on to avoid responding emotionally. He learns that he
shouldn't show pain or fear.
Girls, on the other hand, encourage each other to
express their emotions and take turns comforting and
soothing their teammate with nurturing and affection.
Most of the TV shows we watch growing up display
male heroes as loners, forging ahead and sacrificing his
own needs for love in order to do what needs to be
done.
At the same time, women are displayed as longing for
the male hero. In fact, most women think
he's still a loner only because he hasn't met her yet!
Spiderman, Batman, and Superman are all loners who
dutifully go through life while the woman continues to
chase after him.
In the 21st Century, men are under more pressure than
ever in relationships because they are being asked to
meet society's expectations as well as their woman's.
Men have been taught to be defensive and suspicious,
while women want him to be more trusting and open.
Growing up, men learned to hide their emotions. In their
adult relationships men are expected to show their
emotions.
Men have learned to appear strong while women want
them to express their vulnerability. He is competitive
while she would like him to be cooperative as well.
While she is attracted to his independence and
"loner" mystique, she expects him to need her and to
express his need. While he strives to remain in control
at all times (because being out of control would be
considered a weakness), she needs him to let go of
control from time to time.
From a very early age boys and girls learn to think
and respond differently. This used to be tolerable
when marriages were arranged and the roles of each
spouse were clearly defined. He was the provider
while she was the housekeeper and mother.
But in the 21st Century, when women are earning as
much or more than their spouses, women are
demanding more from their men. Men are being asked
to go against thousands of years of evolution and learn
how to explore and express their feelings. And the thing
is, most men are willing to try and are making the effort.
So be patient with your man, ladies. Reward him for
trying and for taking any step forward, no matter how
small it may be. He's trying to be the man you want him
to be because what he wants more than anything is to
gain your approval. That's what really makes him feel
like a man.
About the author:
As a bestselling author (If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy) and through his popular seminars, Relationship Specialist, Scott Kudia, Ph.D., has empowered thousands to overcome their obstacles and experience a better love life. Scott's innovative work combines traditional psychology with the latest cutting edge technologies giving you the power to create more fulfilling relationships. His seminars are some of the most unique and powerful relationships in the world. Scott's passionate and inspirational speaking style always leaves his audience enlightened, empowered, and thoroughly entertained. Above all, they leave with the ability to connect more deeply with their partner and ultimately get more from their relationships.
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