How To Find Out What REALLY Turns Her On
by Alex Allman
www.RevolutionarySex.com
Guys are always asking me...
"How do I find out what kind of things REALLY
turn my woman on?
This is a much more question than, "What turns
ALL women on?" because there is no right answer to
this second question. There is no one thing that
will work on all women.
The very first thing I hope any guy learns, who
has even the slightest interest in being good in
bed, is that different women are, well,
DIFFERENT.
The very fact that they are different is what
keeps them interesting for us, but also what
keeps it from being too easy for EVERY guy to be
an amazing lover.
So let's get back to the more interesting question:
How can you FIND OUT what turns on the woman in
YOUR life?
I'm very glad you asked.
Or, rather, I'm glad you asked ME, and not HER.
Because asking HER is one of the BIGGEST mistakes
that you can make in bed with a woman.
And by the way, never have this conversation
with a woman. Women will always tell you that
they LIKE IT when a guy asks how to please them.
It shows he cares. It's sexy and confident.
*sigh*
But they don't like it.
Women will also tell you that they don't like
“bad boys,” but really want to just date a “nice
guy.”
Oh, really?
Next time a woman feeds you that line, ask her
why she is not dating YOU!
In a woman's FANTASY about that question, she
IMAGINES a guy asking her what turns her on, and
it goes a little something like this,
She is lying in a huge puddle of her own sweat,
still shaking from the unbelievable orgasms that
the tall, handsome man beside her has just put
her body through. She runs her fingers through
his thick, lustrous hair, breaths in his perfect
cologne, and thinks that she has never seen a
more beautiful and muscular man, And that is when
he leans over and growls in her ear in a voice
that sends shivers up her spine: “what else can I
do to turn you on?”
So, look, if you can ask her JUST LIKE THAT, then
go ahead. But also you may as well stop reading
right here, because clearly you don't need any of
MY advice.
If you still don't believe me then, hell, go
ahead and ask the next girl that you're in bed
with. And watch her eyes glaze over with boredom
as she realizes she is, once again, with a guy
that doesn't know what he's doing.
You've probably heard me say before that sex is
like dancing, a woman EXPECTS the man to LEAD.
If you're not a very good dancer, you've probably
experienced, as I have, that moment when the girl
that you are dancing with kind of... “takes over.”
One minute you're sort of trying to lead... but
you're kind of running into people or stepping
on her foot or something... and the next minute,
she decides she wants to do a spin, and she just
takes over and does what she wants.
She's basically saying, without saying it: "you
are clueless at dancing, so I am going to have to
take over the lead."
Well fellas... the same is true in the sack.
If she has taken over the lead, it usually means
she's already frustrated that you are clueless at
pleasing her.
And unlike dancing, this is an area where she
will not forgive you for not being good at
what you're doing.
Now before you start yammering about some
dominatrix that you dated (or more likely saw in
a movie and just imagined that you dated), let me
say that, “yes,” of course there are a FEW women
out there who like to take the lead in bed.
But it's very, VERY few.
A far more true statement is that, unlike in
dancing, even if you are completely clueless in
bed, most women STILL WON'T take the lead.
Women are proud of their dancing ability, they
don't mind showing a guy a few things. But sex
is a very different thing psychologically and
emotionally.
Generally women don't want to be viewed as very
experienced sexually. It carries all sorts of
negative social stuff, the word “slut” comes to
mind, though it's not a word I ever use myself,
But the fact is, women know that there's a good
chance they'll be JUDGED if they come off like
they know too much about what to do in bed.
But more important than that, unlike in dancing,
when it comes to sex, women have certain
fantasies and certain things that turn them on,
...and certain things that turn them OFF.
One thing that most women think is a major turn
off is having to lead in bed.
Women fantasize about a guy who sweeps them off
their feet.
Women fantasize about a guy who knows exactly how
to touch them.
Women fantasize about a guy who takes charge and
makes them feel both helpless and safe at the
same time.
But, seriously, have you ever heard of women who
fantasize about guys they need to TEACH how to
please them?
Okay, I know I just went on a pretty long rant
here, but the bottom line is:
Don't expect a woman to lead the way in showing
you what she wants in bed.
Want more proof?
A friend of mine in college read an article (written
by a WOMAN), that said the “magic words” to say to a
woman in bed are:
“What else can I do to please you?”
According to the article, this was something you
should say to a woman when you have been having
intercourse for a while and you are not sure if
she has come yet, or you suspect she might be
“faking it.”
Also according to the article, the woman would be
so taken off guard by your sensitivity and caring
about her sexual needs that she would immediately
melt into your arms and be yours forever.
The article also said that she would then tell
you where her secret button was.
She would reveal to you what her favorite
position was, or whether she liked it fast or
slow, hard or gentle, or she'd tell you the
secret place to put your finger or tongue that
REALLY drives her wild.
Well, here's what happened to my college
friend as he explained it the next morning...
There he was in bed with the captain of the
girl's tennis team...
They had been going at it for a while and she was
doing a lot of heavy breathing, but nothing
remotely like, “OH MY GOD IF YOU MAKE ME COME
AGAIN I'M GOING TO BURST INTO FLAME!”
So, he starts thinking, time to test-drive the
magic line.
He stops, kisses her lightly on the lips, smiles
gently, and says, “What else I can do to please
you?”
Well, the captain of the women's tennis team did
not melt in his arms.
Instead she got a desperate look in her eyes and
said, rather defensively, “everything's FINE!”
Now because he was a very slow learner, he actually
repeated the damn line, and said, “no, no, I
mean, I want give you what you need, what else
can I do to please you?”
At this point the poor girl got out of bed and
started pulling on her pants as she tearfully
lectured him about putting too much pressure on
her to "come."
She thought that he was disappointed in her for
not having an orgasm.
Maybe her previous boyfriend had made a big deal
out of it and blamed her for the problem.
Anyway, needless to say, she was not the only one
who ended up frustrated that night!
But the funny truth of all of this is,
there are many things that he COULD have said that
would have gotten her to melt in his arms and open up
with the information about her secret buttons.
The biggest problem with what that article
recommended was the question mark.
See, asking a girl what turns her on, in my
opinion, is never going to be a good thing.
But TELLING her to tell you what turns her on,
well, that's not too bad.
The difference, again, is in who is leading.
When you say to a woman, ”how can I please you?“
the subtle message she gets is, ”I don't know
what I'm doing, can you please help me?–
But when you say to a woman, “Tell me what kind
of kinky things drive you wild,” the message that
she hears is, “It turns me on to have you talk dirty
to me and reveal your fantasies. Tell me for MY
pleasure.“
Or you could say to her, “Tell me what you
fantasize about when you masturbate.”
This statement (it's not a question, but actually
a command), will make her blush and get her very
turned on because it is so bold and sexually
confident.
Instead of making her think you are a lame loser
who doesn't know how to please her, she will
think she might be in over her head with a guy
who is sexually dangerous...
Dangerous in a GOOD way.
There are many ways you can use this little tip,
basically just take the question and make it into
a gentle command for YOUR pleasure instead of a
question about HER pleasure.
It's weird and counter-intuitive, because
basically what I'm saying is that you want to
appear to be SELFISH... which is not exactly an
adjective that springs to women's minds when they
think about what makes a great lover...
But never-the-less, it WORKS.
Now let me give you a few disclaimers.
The words you say are not really that important.
It doesn't matter all that much if you say, tell
me about the first time you had an orgasm, or
close your eyes and show me how you touch
yourself to make yourself come.
If you ask with a shy or tentative voice, you
will NOT get the result you want.
Likewise, if you command her like some abusive
jerk, she will probably ice you out, or worse,
put on her pants and leave the room.
You have to learn how to say things in that sexy
and confident, assertive yet gentle way that the
guy in her fantasy uses.
In fact... you could probably even get away with
just asking that lame, what can I do to please
you?
IF YOU SAY IT THE RIGHT WAY.
Remember the example of the woman's fantasy about
the lover who has just made her come a hundred
times, who is tall, handsome, thick hair, sexy
cologne, etc., etc and then asks her what turns
her on?
See, that guy can say anything because he does
not exist except as a FANTASY in a woman's head.
And therefore he says EVERYTHING the "right way."
Hey, it's HER fantasy after all.
Saying it the right way is a matter of becoming
sexually confident and assertive.
But there is something even BETTER than
telling her to tell you what turns her on.
It's that piece of magic that you will hear me
say over and over again until you finally get how
important and profound a secret it really is:
PAY ATTENTION.
Yes, that's it. It sounds so simple, but it is
really so complex that it could take you a
lifetime (a lifetime of pleasure) to master.
Pay attention to her. Listen to her voice and to
her breathing, feel the way her muscles tense,
smell the tension in the air around her, watch
the expression on her face and the way her pupils
dilate and the way her hands grip and twist the
sheets.
She will tell you everything you need to know if
you learn to pay attention.
If you want to get metaphysical about it, you
can actually pay attention to her "energetic
state" and literally FEEL her level of arousal.
A little experimentation with new things,
places to touch her, positions, attitudes, and
fantasies... and paying attention, really tuning
in to her reactions, will tell you everything.
I explain A LOT more about this art in my eBook,
and I swear to you that, in ways too deep for you
to imagine, it really is the ONLY thing you need
to know to figure out her dirtiest desires and
completely blow her mind.
The tips I've given you in this article are
MAGIC, and you should practice this stuff and USE
it.
You will get GREAT results.
If you want more great tips and techniques
to give your woman the most profound sexual
experience of her life, sign up for my FREE
eNewsletter at e-Newsletter at www.RevolutionarySex.com
- Alex Allman
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