How to Destroy Your Performance Anxiety
by Alex Allman
www.RevolutionarySex.com
Here's a subject that makes most men cringe
when they even think about it... performance
anxiety.
There's not a guy in the world who has never
had a problem "getting it up" at least a few
times in his life—nd any guy who tells you
otherwise is probably lying.
It can strike any time—but like some kind
of sick joke, it usually raises (or, rather, lowers)
its ugly head when the stakes are really high...
Like when you are a woman you want to impress for
the first time, with your wife on your anniversary,
or with a woman of exceptional beauty.
The good news here is that I'm going to share
some simple but very powerful ideas with you in
this article that should help you deal with this
problem once and for all, and you'll be prepared
the next time it... doesn't... come up in your life.
One of the really nasty things about performance
problems is that when it happens once... it has a
habit of happening again... because the next time
you are in bed with a woman (or the same woman),
all your brain can focus on is the hope that it's
not going to happen again.
Which is pretty much the surest way to make
certain that it does.
And when it starts happening more often it
becomes its own cause for happening even MORE
often... and if you are a younger guy it can
really affect your self-image and your belief in
your own masculinity... and if you are an older
guy it can make you feel like you've passed your
prime and start giving up on other important areas
of your life... ALL FOR NO REASON.
If you're like most guys, then when you begin
to notice a failure to launch, you try fantasizing
about something that you KNOW has worked in the
past—maybe some other woman or situation, or
something from a pornographic website that you got
you off recently...
And if you are like most guys then you know
that this usually doesn't work. It's just one
more train of thought, amid all the other chaotic
thoughts in your head that take you further from
the here and now of the love-making that you
should be enjoying.
And if the woman you are with says or does
anything that doesn't match up with your fantasy
or interrupts what you are trying to concentrate
on, it takes you right back to where you were
before, but even more frustrated.
Or maybe you've managed to get hard but then
suomething interrupts the flow...
..like... say...
Putting on a condom.
Listen carefully now: Don't ever use this as
an excuse to go without protection from pregnancy
or disease. That's just stupid. Remember, we've
all been there. You just need to learn a better
way.
So let's get into it.
First of all, I have to mention, that if you
have a problem getting an erection when you are
alone. If you don't get hard when you masturbate
and never when you sleep, then it could be a sign
of a serious medical condition and you should see
your doctor immediately.
If the problem only happens with a partner,
then the good news is that it's all in your head,
and that means that you CAN get control over it
with a little bit of effort and practice.
The second thing I guess I should mention for
the sake of honesty and accuracy is that the
various pills that are available from your doctor
(that I won't mention by name, though the most
popular one starts with a "V") all work very
well, and any one of them will probably eliminate
your problem immediately.
I should also mention that the other pills
that don't require a prescription with various
herbs and barks and supplements that are sold
all over the internet do NOT work.
But even though the ones from your doctor DO
work, I don't recommend that you go that route.
You can, of course... but then you'll become
dependent on them as a crutch whenever you want
to get things going.
That can get expensive, it can eliminate your
ability to be spontaneous, and most importantly,
it can mess with your ego.
On the other hand, for some men, it is very
helpful to get over the initial hurdle and then
they can stop using them once their confidence is
back.
Of course I don't know your particular situation,
but I promise you, if you can get hard when you
are masturbating, you can learn to get hard on
demand when you are with your woman... without
any pills.
So let's begin at the beginning:
>> THE PROBLEM IS IN YOUR HEAD
This the most important thing to remember
here. Because it is in YOUR head, and if it is
in YOUR head, then YOU can fix it.
In my studies I have read quite a few books
and articles on this subject, and most of them
talk about how it is related to stress, and all
of these other factors, and all of these exercises
to help you get over it...
And none of it really worked that well for
me.
In fact, most of the time I'd be okay anyway...
but then once in a while I'd have a little "problem"
and the next thing I knew, I'd be in a cycle of
having that little problem, because each time it
happened, it made more more nervous that it would
happen again.
It wasn't stress at work that was the problem,
it was the stress associated with sex itself.
Believe it or not, when you start writing about
sex, and people begin to think of you as an expert
on sex, it can create some performance stress!
I have a name to live up to now...
Well, believe it or not, I found the path to
the right answers in Eastern Philosophy.
>> QUIET THE CHATTERING MONKEY MIND
The Zen Masters and the Yoga Gurus have a name
for the distracting internal dialogue that interferes
with so many things in our life... they call it "the
chattering monkey mind."
You know it well—when you just can't shut your
brain off... like when you can't fall asleep at
night because of all of these thoughts swirling
around in your head that just won't shut up...
Or when you are in bed with a beautiful woman
and you've got all of these other thoughts running
through your mind...
...will she be disappointed?...
...am I going for it too soon?...
...what if she thinks I'm lame in bed...
...what if she thinks my dick is too small...
...I wonder what she's thinking right now...
...What if I can't get it up again?...
...Is she comparing me to her ex?...
...Has she noticed yet that I'm not hard?...
That, my friend, is the Chattering Monkey Mind.
With all that extraneous crap in your head, is it
any wonder that you can't focus on just enjoying the
sex?
You have to learn how to quiet the chattering
monkey mind. Not only is it preventing you from
getting hard, it's preventing you from achieving any
kind of real intimacy in your sexual relations.
And it is probably hurting you in other
areas of your life too... this is just the one
that you may be aware of.
And what's more, I absolutely guarantee
that if you can quiet these intrusive voices in
your mind, you will never have this problem, ever
again.
So, now it's just a matter of learning
that control.
A great first step that you can take, outside
of the bedroom, is to take up a mediation practice.
That's what all those Zen Masters and Yoga
Gurus do to quiet their Chattering Monkey Minds—and it works.
Take a class or get a book, and start doing it
regularly. Not only will it absolutely improve
your performance anxiety situation by teaching you
to gain CONTROL over your mind, but there is also
growing evidence that it can benefit your stress
your level and even slow down the onset of brain
disease like Alzheimer's.
But okay, I know you are thinking you want
something you can use RIGHT NOW...
Don't worry. I'm not gonna let you down.
>> SAY SOMETHING
This is a really great way of eliminating
one of the loudest chattering monkeys that most
guys deal with.
I've found that MOST guys who have had
problems in this area say that the thing that worries
them the most, the one that really loops around in
their head, is: "I wonder what she is thinking right
now... I wonder if she has noticed that I'm not
hard?"
Because this is the worst of the chattering
monkeys for most guys, it is the one that creates
the biggest problem for getting "into it" and
getting hard.
So, first, let me give you the answer...
yes, she has noticed that you are not hard. Now
you don't have to wonder anymore.
But here is something you may not know: She is
NOT thinking that you are a loser because you can't
get it up... she's thinking that SHE is a loser.
Yep. You heard me right.
Because, you see, women are just as messed
up and insecure as we are. Maybe even more.
And what she's thinking is... "oh my God,
he's not into me. He doesn't like my body now that
he sees me naked... I'm doing something wrong...
Maybe I smell bad... he thinks my breasts look
weird."
This is double-true if you are in a long term
relationship or married. She fears you are not
attracted to her anymore, and she fears that she's
losing you, and she fears that you are lying to her.
Also, unless she is a virgin, she has
experienced this situation before with other men...
because, like I said, it happens to all men from
time to time. So it's not like you are the first
guy she has ever been with where this happened.
The bottom line is... IT'S NO BIG DEAL... IF...
You just SAY something to her about it.
Instead of wondering what she is thinking
while she is wondering what you are thinking...
Just TELL her what to think.
Tell her something like, "don't worry, just
a little stress at work. Sometimes it takes me
a little longer. It's not you at all. I'm
very attracted to you, and if you are a little bit
patient, everything will be working fine in just
a few minutes... and if not, I promise, I'll take
good care of you either way."
A lot of this comes down to your tone of voice.
You don't want to say this in a apologetic way
or a weak way, you don't want to be confessing to
a humiliation with a quaver in your voice. Just
say it like it's no big deal.
This is very powerful because a woman will look
to you to LEAD the emotional state, just as much
as she wants you to lead on the dance floor.
If you are matter-of-fact and undisturbed, in
fact, if what she hears is your ENTHUSIASM to be
with her in spite of the slow erection, she will
feel those same emotions.
She will be so relieved and pleased that
you were MAN enough to say something that she will
become as happy as a kitten with manual and oral
sex, and it takes the pressure off of you, so you
can just enjoy yourself.
And then just do that... enjoy yourself.
Enjoy touching her and having her touch
you. And in no time, if you just stop thinking
about it, your little champ will join in on the fun.
>> DON'T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT THE CHAMP
And while I'm on it... the other monkey
that chatters in every guy's head when he's
having trouble getting it up is... thinking about
getting it up.
Is it hard yet?
Is it hard yet?
I think I feel it starting to... oh, no...
not yet...
Is it hard yet?
This is a particularly difficult thing not
to think about when it is what is happening to
your body at the moment, but after you reassure
the girl that you are with that it's nothing to
think about it, you need to take your own advice
as well.
As in meditation, the key is "becoming
present." If your situation is minor, you will
find just this advice is enough to unlock the door
for you.
>> FOCUS ON HER
Like I said at the beginning, many guys will
focus on some image or fantasy from the past that
got them excited...
Instead, focus on the woman that you are
actually with.
It does not matter in the least if your wife
or girlfriend is not as attractive as the
Victoria's Secret model that you have in your
head. No matter how strong the image, it is
still never going to be as good as what is real
and what is now.
Focusing on the "now" is the way to get out
of your head and into your body.
Paying attention to the way your woman feels,
smells, sounds, and reacts to you will draw
you into experience. Experience, not imagination.
Once you are out of the chattering monkey mind
and in the experience of your body in the here
and now, your body will react in the way it was
biologically designed and you'll get an erection.
But something more powerful will happen as
well.
Giving your attention to your woman's body
will make you a much better lover—not only by
making you much more intuitive about what's
working and what's pleasing her, but also by
making her feel a greater sense of connection
and intimacy...
Because there is far more to be an amazing
lover than just getting hard, and you shouldn't
settle for the minimum requirements in your
sex life.
Just as you can learn to deal with performance
anxiety, you can learn to be the best lover that she
has ever even dared to imagine.
If you'd like more tips and techniques for
doing exactly that, please sign up for my FREE
eNewsletter, "The Allman Report". I'll never
sell your name or personal information, and
there's never any obligation. You can check
out more info at www.RevolutionarySex.com
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