Is Your "Body Image" Ruining Your Relationship?
by Alex Allman
www.RevolutionarySex.com
One of the biggest issues that I hear about
from couples—from both the men and the women—is that their sex life isn't what they had
hoped for...
Sometimes the issue is that fire is dying,
sometimes it was never as transcendent as they
always imagined it would be with the person they
loved, sometimes they just feel they are missing
out on something...
Often one partner has completely lost all
interest in sex, or is unable to achieve pleasure
from sex.
Since the individuals I council are anonymous,
they talk very frankly with me, and they almost
always talk about the possibility of giving up
on the relationship.
The words "break up," "divorce," and "cheat"
always come in these conversations.
Whether they are the partner who has lost
interest, or the partner who wishes things were
better, they are always very worried about the
relationship.
If you are in this situation, you are right
to be worried.
It's a very difficult position to be in.
It is a very bad sign in a relationship when
the sex is not working—and if you are not even
kissing and hugging, there is something terribly
wrong, and it is urgent that you act immediately.
I can't say for sure exactly what is going
wrong in your relationship—and often these
things are very complex and many things go wrong
at once.
This much is true:
If the sex is not working, it can CAUSE the
relationship to fall apart in all of the other
areas...
And if things are falling apart in other areas,
usually it will cause the sex to stop working.
As I say, these things are complex, and the
root of any individual couple's problem may be
something completely unique...
But there is one particular issue that I'm
going to speak to in this article because it seems
to be one of the biggest issues that virtually
every couple in this situation is grappling with.
It is a massive problem that plagues virtually
every couple in our culture:
It is the woman's negative body image.
(By the way, the other huge problem is the
men's lack of sexual confidence, but that is a
subject that I write about far more frequently).
If you are a woman and your negative body image
is making it "too embarrassing to discuss" your
sexual needs and issues with your partner, then,
not only is your relationship in grave danger—so is your NEXT relationship.
Most women in our society have negative body
images, and to some extent, who can blame them?
Women (and men) are bombarded with images of
the top .01% of the most beautiful women in the
world CONSTANTLY, because big-business has
discovered the cash value in showing these women
off to sell stuff and entertain us.
A hundred years ago a man might encounter a
women of such beauty perhaps twice in his lifetime.
But now, thanks to the population of cities and
the incredible power of the photograph, the video,
the MEDIA, we see them MANY TIMES EVERY DAY...
And frequently we see them naked or nearly
naked.
It's a tough act for normal women to follow...
But it gets WORSE.
Because these images aren't even real women!
They are digitally enhanced and perfected far
past anything that could possibly be real. Every
imperfection is zapped away and smoothed over,
and even the color of their eyes is enhanced to
blazing brightness.
So, you look in the mirror, and you don't like
yourself.
And then you feel awkward in bed. You feel
like you don't look good enough, feel good enough,
smell good enough.
Yet, your man IS attracted to you. The
erection does not lie.
And MORE IMPORTANTLY, perhaps he is seeing
your INNER beauty. Which is FAR MORE IMPORTANT.
But you are ruining that with YOUR INABILITY
TO LOVE YOURSELF.
So, to be clear, this is something that you
MUST get over in order to live a happy life—either with the man you are with, or any other.
This is something you MUST do for yourself, and
the sooner you get started the better.
Here are some things you should consider doing:
1) Get yourself into therapy with a psychologist
who SPECIALIZES IN THESE ISSUES
2) Work with an hypno-therapist or NLP
practitioner to build your self-esteem (as a
good friend of mine who is a hypno-therapist
once said, "hypnosis is very effective...
especially for highly intelligent people)
3) Yoga. You will learn much about non-judgment
and self-acceptence from this ancient practice,
while at the same time building a real relationship
with your body beyond its mere appearance
4) Do some "self-help" by reading up on women's
body image issues and books that help you become
more fit and more spiritually connected with your
body. I recommend you check out my friend Andrea's
book on the subject at: www.amazingbodynow.com
In fact, you should probably do ALL of them.
And please, talk to your man. Tell him that
you have these body image problems but that you
want to try to fix it. You have nothing to lose...
If you are a man and you feel like this is one
of the issues causing problems in your relationship,
then talk to your woman.
If you do nothing, then you must understand—your relationship is dying, and you are allowing
it to happen.
Talk to each other.
Do it now, before it's too late. And if it is
already too late, then at least you tried, and
you will have learned powerful lessons that will
help you find happiness in your next relationship.
And if you are a man or a couple reading this,
and you want more (much more) information on improving
your intimacy and love-making, sign up for my free
e-Newsletter at www.RevolutionarySex.com
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