How Do I Start Dating Again
by Scott Kudia, Ph.D.—www.ScottKudia.com
Fifty percent of all first marriages, seventy percent of second marriages,
ninety percent of all subsequent marriages will end in divorce.
A question I get quite often is, "How do I start dating again?"
Here are seven tips to make it easier for you:
TIP #1: Get a clear understanding of why your
marriage didn't work. This means getting completely honest with
yourself. Blaming your ex isn't going to give you closure
and no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
So, what could you do differently next time to give the
relationship a better chance to succeed? If you really
aren't sure, get my book, If This Is Love, Why Am I
Unhappy? and answer all the questions honestly
and completely. This will give you a clear understanding
of how you may have contributed to the deterioration
of your marriage.
TIP #2: Hazy or vague goals will give you hazy
and vague results. You have to be clear about what kind of
partner you're looking for and what kind of
relationship you must have. Sit down and answer the
following questions truthfully and honestly. List
everything you can think of including financial status,
race, religion, political affiliation, how much sex is
enough sex, body shape and type, hair and eye
color, personality traits, beliefs, intelligence level, and
so on. Get specific.
What qualities don't I want in my ideal partner?
What qualities do I want in my ideal partner?
What qualities do I want in my ideal relationship?
TIP #3: Go where your type hangs out. You're not going to
find Italian arm wrestlers at a GOP Convention. You won't
find water in the desert.
There are plenty of singles get-together's where you
can meet singles of your kind. Jewish singles, gay
singles, athletic singles, young singles, elderly
singles, singles with STD's, and single parents all
have groups that meet regularly. If you're a purple giant
with three eyes and two horns, rest assured there is a
singles group out there for you. Use Google or some
other search engine and type in what you're looking for. Find the
next gathering and go have fun.
TIP #4: Never bring your date home to meet the
kids. Parading boyfriend after boyfriend in front of your
children will send the wrong message to them. Your
children should only meet your new love when
you've decided he or she is the one. Otherwise
they may grow up thinking relationships aren't meant
to last, aren't important, are not to be taken seriously,
or worse, they'll have a problem with commitment.
TIP #5: When you're on your first date, ask Values
questions. We all have stock questions and ready-made
answers to the questions we get asked on every first
date. This is because we're on our best behavior and
want to make the best impression so we can make it
to a second date. So ask the questions they aren't
expecting. The kinds of questions that tell you who
they really are.
To discover someone's Values, ask them what's most important
to them about whatever topic you choose. Obviously you'd want to know
what's most important to them about dating, the
partner they choose to be with, a relationship, and
any other topic involving relationships. For instance:
What are the top three qualities you have to
have in a relationship? If they answer "fun" ask "Why
is fun important?" and "What kind of fun?" Next ask,
"What are the most important characteristics of
someone you date?" If they answer "confidence"
ask, "Why is confidence important in someone you date?"
If their Values don't match yours, move on. By asking
Values questions you will, in the first five minutes,
have determined whether or not this person is worth your
time and energy.
TIP #6: Don't get caught up in the thrill of dating so
much that you lose sight of what's really important: Is this person
a right match for you? Don't ignore red flags just so you
can have a date on Saturday night.
TIP #7: Don't have sex too soon. Men will wait to
have sex with a woman if he respects her and really
wants to be in a relationship with her. If he's
pressuring you to have sex you should see it as a
red flag and re-think your opinion of him. A man who
wants to be in a relationship with a woman will wait to
have sex with her because sex is secondary to the
connection they're creating.
Follow these guidelines and you should be back in
the saddle in no time.
About the author:
As a bestselling author (If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy) and through his popular seminars, Relationship Specialist, Scott Kudia, Ph.D., has empowered thousands to overcome their obstacles and experience a better love life. Scott's innovative work combines traditional psychology with the latest cutting edge technologies giving you the power to create more fulfilling relationships. His seminars are some of the most unique and powerful relationships in the world. Scott's passionate and inspirational speaking style always leaves his audience enlightened, empowered, and thoroughly entertained. Above all, they leave with the ability to connect more deeply with their partner and ultimately get more from their relationships.
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